Weird Story
by jchiu
Summary: A story about Harry, Hermione and Ron on another adventure in Hogwarts. Just a random story I made up for fun.
1. Weird Story

Chapter 1

Early in the morning Harry woke up by thehorrible stench of Dudley's farts.

"Dudley, stop that right this instant!" shouted Uncle Vernon.

"Can't, I'm full of gas."

"Well don't have him near any sharp things or he'll blow up, and we don't want that do we." Harry thought.

"Wake up!" Petunia shouted slamming her skinny boney hand on the door, "Time for school!" still slamming on the door, Harry thought those would break any minute. Just thinking of school made him tired, it is obvious that there is another freaky adventure that lies ahead of him.

"I'm coming!" Harry got dressed and opened the door when Petunia's fist was hitting Harry's face." Ow! Those feel like rocks!"

"Finally, I was about to get the sledgehammer."

"I hope Hermione has a spell to heal my bruises."

One Day at Hogwarts Harry, Hermione and Ron were at the library reading spell books.

"This is boooooring Hermione I would have had more fun being shouted at by Snape." cried Harry.

"Hey Harry, lets go bother Snape!" shouted Ron.

"Last one to jump on Snape is a rotten wizard!"

And they skipped of singing "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz"

"What a pair of idiots. I forgot how we became friends." thought Hermione.

Later on the day Hermione was looking for Harry and Ron, and she thought just the place. It was time for lunch and Hermione went to the Great Hall and found Harry and Ron wolfing down the food.

"Better eat quickly or there will be no food left, and watch out for Harry and Ron's mouth." she thought.

After lunch Harry and Ron moaned,"I'm bloated, does anyone have Gas-X?"

At Professor McGonagall's class Harry and Ron were late, again.

"What do I have to do to make you two be on time at least once!"

Ron shouted,"Turn me into a Tiger!"

"I'd rather turn you into a hamster it matches your intelligence."

"Wha?"

"Never mind, go to your seats."

After class the group met up at the Great Hall.

"I've go to go read some more books at the library they said that they have new copies on spell books." said Hermione and ran off.

"Let's go play Quidditch!" shouted Harry and Ron.

After the game Harry moaned, "I'm pooped."

"Hey don't rub it in." said Ron.

"Oh yeah you fell and rolled in dog poop, that was hilarious. But at least you distracted the other team."

"You mean the whole place. I need a shower."


	2. Harry Potter and the New Adventure

After Ron's shower Harry was waiting for him in the Great Hall, "Hey Ron what took you so long?"

"I have to clean myself real good."

"For 5 hours?"

"What? At least that was less hours I had spent at home."

"Let me guess 6 hours."

"No, 10 hours."

"Yeah right, that many hours you would look like a prune with red hair, and let's go look for Hermione." and they ran off to the library.

At the library Hermione was looking at some books when Draco came by. 'Why would Draco be interested in books, his brain is smaller than Ron's, or maybe he's... up to something." Draco was waiting for someone at the door in the library when suddenly, "BAM!" Harry and Ron swung the door and knocked Draco out of his shoes.

"Cool." said Harry and Ron. "That was the coolest thing I'd every saw in Hogwarts."

"You, you, you." and Draco start crying, "I'm telling my Daddy." and ran off.

"Um... we didn't do anything." said Harry and Ron.

"Aw man, no TV for a year." cried Ron.

"Your an idiot, we never had a TV." exclaimed Harry.

"You're both idiots, you came rushing in the library and," Hermione started laughing, "and... you... hit Draco and he started flying."

"Yeah that was funny." said Harry.

And the group started laughing, and then Snape came up. "You two! I was looking for you guys, you bouncing little rats!"

"Time to go." Harry said, but Ron kept on whimpering. "Oh well, your funeral." and Harry race off.

"Now I got you little red haired rat!" shouted Snape.

Then Ron screamed to the top of his lungs and ran away.

"Ow! My ears! I didn't know that boys could scream that loud." Snape said.

"Well he might be a girl." Hermione said.

With Harry he is in his common room and sat on a chair to catch his breath and saw Neville. "Hey Neville can you give me a glass of water."

"Would you like fries with that?"

"No, just water."

"But no fries is no good."

'No wonder he's so fat.' thought Harry. "I don't care about the fries I just want water!"

"Well you'll regret it."

After Harry's glass of water Harry said," Hey Neville can you pass me that pillow."

"Would you like fries with that?"

Mean while with Ron he is at the Great Hall eating some Bertie Bott's Every flavored jelly beans and he mistakenly ate a poop favored instead of a chocolate flavored jelly bean, but he didn't noticed it. Then Hermione found him and Ron said,"Yum, there is this brown jelly bean that didn't taste like chocolate."

"Did you know your eating poop flavor?" Then Ron threw up and barfed last week's meals.

"Aw man now my mouths needs a shower." When they walked to the common room, they saw Harry kicking Neville on the ground.

"You fat boy, you should work at McDonald's!" shouted Harry.

"Hey Harry what are you doing!" shouted Ron.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Um... Let me think... I don't know."

"Well don't think to hard, it will smash that little pea brain of yours."

And Harry finally stopped kicking Neville for a few minutes.

"Ow."

"Oh well let's leave him here."

And they walked out of the common room.


	3. Harry Potter and the Black Teddy Bear of...

When they walked out of the common room, Hermione was shouting "Why did you kick Neville on the floor, you could have been expelled!"

"He was so annoying! Would you like fries with that, Would you like fries with that, WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT!" and Harry started to pant.

"Whoa, easy there cowboy." said Ron.

"I'm not a cowboy idiot."

At dinner in the Great Hall, the group saw Neville. "Come on, apologize Harry." whispered Hermione.

"Hey Neville, um... sorry about that kicking."

"What kicking? I just realize that I woke up on the floor in the common room and my chest started hurting."

"Neville get out your Rememberall." Hermione said, and when Neville held it the ball turned red. "Wow, his brain is smaller than mine." Ron said.

"Um... Don't ever speak of this ok Neville?" Harry said.

"Um... ok."

"O-K, now everything is settled let's pig out." Ron said.

The next morning, the group was walking around killing time, when they suddenly heard a scream. "Wh-wh-wha-what was that." whimpered Ron.

"A scream you moron." said Harry.

"I know that I'm no moron, but whose scream was that."

"I don't know, let's check it out." said Hermione.

'Oh no, I knew it. There is a freaky adventure.' Harry thought. When they reach the place where the scream was, there was a student in a corner shaking and staring at a black teddy bear next to a doll.

"What, are you afraid of a black bear? It's not going to rip you apart." Harry said.

Then the black teddy bear stood up and ripped the doll tearing it to pieces, and sat down.

"What happened?" Ron said.

"The bear ripped the doll apart and sat down, use your two eyes idiot." said Hermione.

"What this cute tiny weeny cutie-pie?"

"Yep he is a girl." Hermione said.

Then Ron walked to the bear and was about to pick it up.

"I can't watch." Harry and Hermione said together.

Then Ron had the bear in his hands.

"I can't believe my own four-eyes." Harry said.

"Look he's harmless." Ron said, and he put it down and the bear roared like a lion. Ron ran behind Harry and started shivering.

"Aw man, this is 'Harry Potter and the Black Teddy Bear of Doom'" Harry said. "Looks like it's the end here."

"We have a way out idiot." Hermione said.

"Oh yeah, it's running time." and they sprinted off.

"Hey," Harry started panting, "don't you feel sorry about the kid we left behind."

"What kid?" Ron said.

"The kid in the corner."

"I never saw a kid in a... Oh yeah the kid."

"Shouldn't we go help him?" Hermione said.

"Now let's go back."

"Aw man."

When the reached the place where the kid and the teddy bear was they where gone.

"Let's go and tell the new Groovy Dumbledore what has happened." Hermione said.

"Who that?" Ron said.

"He's new Dumbledore."

"Cool we have a Groovy Dumbledore! Let's go Disco man."

"Shut up, we have more important stuff than Disco." Hermione said.

"Aw man, I never have any fun around here."

They talked to Dumbledore about the black teddy bear killing people in Hogwarts. Then he started laughing and said, "A black teddy bear killing people in Hogwarts, yeah and soon there will be a pile of dog poop burring students alive." and he walked away.

"You know that the old Dumbledore has solutions for every problem, but this one sucks!" shouted Harry.

"Yep I agree with you." Hermione said.

"What, a black teddy bear is killing people in Hogwarts?! Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE RUN FOR YOU LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THERE WILL BE A PILE OF DOG POOP BURRING STUDENTS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!" Ron screamed running around Hogwarts.

"He really needs a chill pill." Harry said.


	4. Harry Potter and the Black Bear of Doom ...

"What do we do? That useless Dumbledore doesn't listen!" shouted Harry.

"Shut up! I'm trying to think."

"Well you better think faster because we lost Ron."

"Who cares about him he's an idiot."

"Yep that's true."

"We have to find that black bear now or else!"

"Or else what?"

"THAT BEAR WILL TEAR EVERYONE APART IF WE DON'T FIND IT!!!"

"Ooooohhhh yeah I remember."

"Geez I thought you were smart."

After an hour search for the black bear.

"I'm tired I want to go to bed." wined Harry.

"We can't that bear could be anywhere."

"Hey don't you think we should find Ron?"

"I'm here guys."

"Eeep!" squeaked Harry and Hermione.

"HA HA, You guys are little fraidy cats." Ron laughed.

"RRRRROOOOAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!!!" something behind them shouted.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S THE BEAR!!!!!" Ron yelled and jumped in Hermione's arms.

"HA HA HA, you guys were scared Ha Ha Ha." laughed Draco.

"Oh it's just Dolly Mal-Fart." said Harry.

"Watch your mouth Harry Potty." Draco said.

"He he, Dolly Mal-Fart and Harry Potty." Ron snickered.

"Ron you weigh like 1 ton."

"Mmmmmmm, wonton." Ron said. Then Hermione dropped Ron. "Ow! That was my good cheek."

"Draco what are you doing here." Harry said.

"I was going to scare you which I did. HA HA HA."

"And where are your fiends I mean friends, um let's see, what are their names? Oh yes, Crap and Garbage were they."

"I don't know I forgot. What do you expect from me, to remember my friends' names?"

"Well you could go now we are on an important mission."

"Oh yeah, what is it you're trying to find."

"We are trying to find a black teddy bear."

"Why, because your dark. Aww the little scaredy baby need his little teddy-weddy." and Draco burst into laughter.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!"

"What was that." Ron squeaked.

They turned around and saw the black bear.

"Run!" shouted Harry.

The three of them ran away until they got they where 10 feet away from the bear.

"Man, I'm tired." Harry panted.

"Me too." Hermione said.

"Me ten." Ron said.

"Hey, where's Draco?" Harry said.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" someone screamed.

"Uh oh." the three of them said.

They looked back and saw Draco hugging the bear real hard.

"It's a little teddy bear! How cute!" Draco said.

"Oh my god. That is sooooooooooo scary." Harry said.

"What a sissy." Ron said.

Then they heard a big explosion.

"What was that!" questioned Harry.

"Why! Why! Why!" cried Draco holding the brokened bear.

"Well that solves this problem." Hermione said.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" someone screamed.

"Uh oh, there's another problem to solve." Harry said.

"Please don't let it be the pile of dog poop, please don't let it be the pile of dog poop." prayed Ron.

They walk to the where the scream was and saw a hand coming out of the biggest dog poop almost the size of a truck.

"Aw man." whined Ron.


	5. Harry Potter and the Pile of Dog Poop

The four of them stood there for about a few seconds, shivering.

"Um, don't you think we should run?" Harry said.

"I'm tired of running! Now let's kill the dog poop! Who's with me!" shouted Ron.

The three of them took a step back.

"Thanks a lot guys. I thought you were my friends." Ron said, "Well, I guess it is up to me to save Hogwarts!" and he ran towards the dog poop and screamed. Then he got swallowed by the poop.

"Nice job Weasley." Draco said.

"Let's run." Harry said.

"Good idea." answered Hermione.

Then the three of them ran as fast as they could away from the dog poop. They ran and saw Dumbledore.

"Do you think we should tell him?" questioned Harry.

"Well, it's worth a try." Said Hermione

Then they ran to Dumbledore.

"DUMBLEDORE! DUMBLEDORE! THERE'S A GIANT DOG POOP ATTACKING HOGWARTS!" the three of them shouted.

"Jeez, do you think I'm stupid or something. Like how can a giant dog poop be attacking Hog…" and just before Dumbledore finished, he got swallowed by the dog poop.

"Hey what up dog." Ron said to Dumbledore in the dog poop.

"Shut up Weasley." Dumbledore said.

Then the three kids screamed and ran away. They stopped in the library and Hermione ran around the place trying to look at books.

"Hermione now it's not the time to look at romance books." Harry said.

Then Hermione gave the evil look to Harry.

"AHHHHHHHHH! HERMIONE GAVE THE EVIL LOOK AT ME! I'M GOING TO DIE!" then Harry fell to the ground.

"Hermione is soooooo ugly she killed Harry just by looking at him! HA HA HA!" laughed Draco.

"So, you're so ugly to turned medusa into stone!" Hermione said.

"Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh you just got told by a girl, Draco!" The kids in the library said.

"Oh yeah, you're so stupid that, that, um… oh yeah you're so stupid that you got locked in a grocery store and starved to death."

"Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh."

"You're so ugly, you made blind kids cry!"

"Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh."

Then Draco ran away crying and ran out the door. When he went out the door there was a scream.

"Uh oh… I think Draco got eaten by the dog poop." Hermione said.

Then she went outside and saw Draco standing and also saw Dumbledore and Ron lying on the floor.

"What the heck happened?" Hermione said.

"I think Draco killed the dog poop." Dumbledore said.

"How?" Ron said.

"I bet his face did because it was so ugly." Hermione said, and all of them laughed even Draco.

"HA HA… wait a minute. THAT WAS AN INSULT!" Draco shouted.

"HA HA HA! What an idiot! He didn't even know!" Dumbledore laughed.

Then Draco cried and ran back to his common room.

"What a cry baby." Harry said, suddenly appearing.

"What the heck?! Didn't you faint?" Hermione said.

"Yeah, but I got up when I heard you guys laughing."

"Ok…"

"Today had the most adventure in my life!" Harry said.

"Yeah." Hermione said.

"Yep." Ron said.

"That's right dogs." Dumbledore said.

Then the three kids stared at Dumbledore and he said, "What?"

The next day at Hogwarts, everyone was eating dinner.

"How did the giant dog poop get to Hogwarts?" questioned Ron.

"Beats me, I don't have a clue." Harry said.

"Wait, how did we know it was a dog poop?" Hermione said.

"Well if you remember the Chapter Harry Potter and the Black Teddy Bear of Doom, Dumbledore said that there will be a giant pile of dog poop burying people alive."

"No he said students not people." Neville corrected.

"What the… you weren't even there!" shouted Harry.

"No, but I read the chapter in the library."

"Jeez, now they have everything in the library."

After dinner the group went to their common to rest a bit.

"Hey guys, do you think there will be another cool adventure later on in Hogwarts?" Ron said.

"Don't even talk about it." Harry said.

"Hey I thought you liked adventures because the books are always with your name on it like "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" or "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" or "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" or "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" or "Harry Potter and the…"

"Ok that's enough. Then why don't you make your own books like "Ron Weasley and Stupidity of His Brain" or "Ron Weasley and the Army of Dust Mites" or "Ron Weasley and the Rage of Hunger" how bout that." Harry said.

"That's a good idea! I'll get started on it."

"Oh my god what an idiot."

"Tell me something I don't know" Hermione said.

"Ron didn't take a shower after he swallowed by that dog poop."

"I already knew that."

"Oh."


End file.
